"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
