I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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