I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
