I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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