It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
