I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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