Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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