please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
