Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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