i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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