She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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