i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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