I want to have your abortion
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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