pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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