I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
