we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
