He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
