my shit smells like andre
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
