We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
