I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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