I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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