I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
