My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
