Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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