I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
