laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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