You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
