omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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