When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
