I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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