I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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