jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
