Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
