i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
