Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
