But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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