I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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