please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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