do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
