Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
