did you get engaged???
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
