what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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