I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
