i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
