$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
