I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
