Redeem this text for a blowjob
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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