wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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