FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize