He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
