I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
