I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
