did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
