i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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