I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Someone shit on the floor
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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