I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
