i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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