my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
