It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
