I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
