take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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