all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
