I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize