imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
