I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize