Your tits are I can't wait for
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
