come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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