I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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