We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
