If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize