Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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