how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
