I cockslap morals
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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