it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
