the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
