I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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