Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize