i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I checked into jail on foursquare
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
