It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
