girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
