Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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