I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
