he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You made out with two different species that night
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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