When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize