I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
