also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
