Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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