Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize