I must be too annoying 4 u.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
