Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
