so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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