Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
