Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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