I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
