I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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