Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
