youre lurking in front of me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
