College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
