I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
