...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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