I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
