You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
