oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
