Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
