Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
