Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
