Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
