Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
