I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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