in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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