never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
