Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pooping to opera.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
