I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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