You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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